How to tell if you’re going to stay single for a long time

You have ridiculously high standards

You basically want a supermodel who can cook and bake like Nigella Lawson, laugh at all of your jokes and watch your favourite TV program with you all day- while giving you foot massages. Be realistic, that person doesn’t exist… and if they do, I call dibs.

You’re still friends with all your exes or talk about them daily 

There’s nothing more annoying than having to hear stories about your partner’s exes. Oh wait, there is – it’s actually hearing stories from your partner’s exes themselves because a certain someone is still friends with them. This isn’t a smart move, your gf/bf might pretend to be okay with it but deep down they want to strangle you and your former lover. Let go and move on before someone gets hurt… or worse, unfollowed on twitter.  

You’re a horrible person

You’re selfish, insensitive and you basically make Geoffrey from Game Of Thrones and Georgina from Gossip Girl look like soft little kittens. If you have douchebag mannerisms then no one is going to love you, maybe another douchebag will love you but then you will have little douchebag children and NOBODY wants this.

You stink

If you always forget to put on deodorant or brush your teeth, then you might as well cover yourself in cat urine while you are at it because it has the same effect. People like people who smell nice. If you’re a male, and you say things like ‘I don’t wear deodorant because I’m a real man’, then you can bet your ass that the only female you’ll ever have a chance of scoring with is a Bratz doll – and that’s because they don’t have noses.

You don’t know how to flirt

Your way of flirting is by smelling someone’s hair and running away or you can never tell if someone is flirting with you. E.g “Hey what you doing Friday? I really want to go watch Avengers”, and you respond, “seems like a cool movie, you should definitely go watch it- I’m probably just gonna chill at home and read”, if this sounds like you, it’s possible you’ll never make any emotional connections with people because you’re just too oblivious. Now get out there you-tiger-you and start flirting right, like a boss.

You dress like this


So there you have it, If none of that applies to you then you’re probably going to be fine. There are obviously many more reasons but I can’t dwell on them right now, I have work to do. 


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