How to look like a 21st century runway model

If you want to go from drab to fab without spending a fortune on surgery or a new wardrobe, read my DIY tips on how to look like a runway model… the affordable way.


                Don’t mesh with me

What you need for this look:

– A mesh onion bag from your friendly supermarket (with some blue dye of course, orange is NOT the new black when it comes to this look)

– A look of despair in your eyes (if you need help with this read the comments on any News24 article)

– The will to not brush your hair for 3 years, or as a time-saving alternative, a 19000000 volt Taser gun.


What you need for this look:

– Dirt from your garden (Which you will need to rub on your face in an upward circular motion)

–  Freshly plucked grass/weeds including the roots and sand. (Please make sure you include the roots and sand for your statement headpiece, it’s what pieces the look together and you’ll look really silly without it)

– The ‘someone-just-gave-spoilers-to-my-favourite-show’ look on your face


                                Channel your inner Uncle Fester

What you need for this look:

– No neck

– Ridiculously big shoulders (Pro tip: If you have normal human shoulders, make shoulder pads with old scatter cushions)

– A black swimming cap

– Kohl eyeliner (You may use a black permanent marker if you’re feeling spicy)


What you need for this look:

– X-ray vision

– Pale vampire skin

– An oversized cardigan

– Hay fever medication


5 Runway trends That Didn’t Quite Make It (Fortunately)

1. The Yeti

Yetis are so hot right now. And humans are so cold right now. But when we combine the two we get this striking little number and kill two birds with one stone. Side note: The model is wearing the cosiest outfit known to man and she’s still looking super fierce. How do you pull off cosy and fierce? Genius. (Please note, no yetis were harmed in the making of this outfit. I think).



2. The sexy balloon

I totally get it. You watched the movie Bubble Boy and Jake Gyllenhaal effortlessly pulled off the look. If Jake can do it, anyone can do it! Light bulb, why not add some polka dots and a translucent hat and take this baby to the runway? Eat your heart out Versace, we’re making balloons sexy and there’s nothing you can do about it.


3. The ‘look ma, no arms’

Do you even lift? No, because in this feisty garment you won’t have to lift anything ever again. Need a sip from your soy latte? Get your man friend to help you out. Hug grandma goodbye? Sorry gram-gram, a goodbye nod will have to do. Got a wedgie? Oh please, it’s 2014,  no one wears underwear anymore. You do you, girl. You do you. 



4. The Ghost of Girlfriend’s past

“The model needs to resemble Leann Rimes and she needs to be wrapped in ectoplasm… but not in a creepy way, in a celestial, dreamlike way. What do you mean we’re out of ectoplasm?! Make it happen, Ricardo! Even if you have to call Karl Lagerfeld again and do that ‘special’ favour for him.” 


5. The Hannibal

“Hello Clarice… I mean Sharon. I know we promised you the Elie Saab gown, but this look is way more retro. Do you think Miranda Kerr is doing something this hot? Nope. Okay, can you pull your face like you’re trying to calculate 5690 divided by 12… yep that’s it. We’re going to have to do something about your eyebrows though, can we give her Cara Delevingne eyebrows? Or how about the dad from the OC? You’re so hot right now!