Childhood Movies With Really Bad Parenting

The Parent Trap

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This is actually one of my favourite movies. The soundtrack, the shenanigans, pre-meltdown Lindsay Lohan, the secret handshake – what’s not to love?

Well, there is one thing: the parents.

The parents are the literal worst. They fell in love, got married, broke up, and didn’t try to save their relationship. That happens sometimes, who are we to judge, right? Oh but then they decide to SPLIT their kids up like they’re a buy-one-get-one-free deal at Cotton On and move to separate countries without letting them know they have a twin/other parent. These kids grew up thinking one of their parents abandoned them – which technically, they did. I’m no Dr. Phil or anything, but that’s pretty messed up.

Also, how do you live with your daughter every day of her life since she was a baby and  not notice when someone else takes her place? Sure, they look the same, but even Chessy noticed before the parents did. EVEN THE DOG NOTICED.

 

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Is she Hailey? IS SHE? 

Mrs. Doubtfire

Mrs. Doubtfire was a childhood classic. If Robin Williams starred in something, there was an 85% chance that I was going to love it. But let’s be clear, Robin Williams character wasn’t exactly parent of the year. As a kid, I sided with him immediately and thought Sally Field’s character was the bad one. To be honest, I’m still not a big fan of her character, I think it was a bit harsh that Daniel wasn’t allowed to watch the kids after school. (I mean, he’s no Darth Vader, give the guy a break).

The movie kicks off with Daniel getting fired from his job, and judging by his family’s reaction, this is not the first time he’s been fired. Then he undermines his wife’s parenting – Miranda strictly said their son can’t have a party because of his terrible grades – so what does Daniel do? He throws a wild birthday party with actual farm animals. The police show up, and Miranda has to leave work to sort it out.

When Daniel loses custody of the children, the obvious solution for him was to dress up like an elderly lady and apply for a job as his children’s nanny. Hijinks ensue and everyone loves him. Then the kids find out that their nanny is their father in the most awkward way. They’re left with feelings of betrayal, confusion, and emotional scarring – a recipe for therapy.

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Home alone

Imagine going overseas and forgetting your youngest child alone at home. Not only were the McCallisters negligent, but they were also quite horrible. Firstly, his whole family is incredibly rude to him, and the parents just allow it. His siblings pick on him, his uncle calls him names seriously, how is it okay for a grown adult to call an 8-year-old boy a ‘little jerk’? Secondly, they let him pack his own suitcase, with no supervision. He’s eight.

And because Kevin spills some soda or milk on the table he’s forced to sleep in the attic with no dinner (the night before a big trip).  At this point I was just like…

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You want things to be less manic around the house, Kate? Maybe don’t invite your entire family to stay over the night before an overseas holiday. I’m getting angry just thinking about it. To be honest, the way they treated Kevin makes me think they left him at home on purpose. Hmm… conspiracy.  Don’t get me started on Home Alone 2, where they left him AGAIN.

 

 

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Movie Titles Combined To Create Even Better Movies

When I get bored, I do strange things. Things like cleaning, baking, being nice to my brothers, etc. Since I can’t do any of those things at work , I had this idea to combine movie titles and create a mashed synopsis for them. It’s really fun and tests your creativity. Wouldn’t this be a fun party game?! People do things like this at parties, right? No? This is why I don’t get invited to parties.  Anyway, it’s actually kind of fun when you feel you’ve reached your social media limit for the day.

Spider-man on Fire

When bitten by a genetically modified spider, a nerdy and awkward high school student gains spider-like abilities that make him tougher, much darker and cooler and moves to Mexico City for vengeance on those who kidnapped the kid of the family he was hired to protect.

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X Men in Black

Two streetwise NYPD mutant detectives go to a private mutant academy which is also a secret organization that covers up and protects citizens from alien activity on Earth.

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Charlie’s Angels and Demons

Three sexy, female,  Harvard symbologists take orders from their mysterious boss through a speakerphone, to solve a murder and prevent a terrorist act against the Vatican by decoding Illuminati messages.

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21 Jump Street Fighter

A pair of underachieving cops who are super good at martial arts are sent back to a local high school to blend in and bring down the Dictator M. Bison who is posing as a high school principal to sell drugs.

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Scott Pilgrim VS the World Is Not Enough

A secret agent and bass guitarist uncovers a nuclear plot when he protects an oil heiress from her former kidnapper and then has to defeat her seven evil exes in order to win her heart and save the world.

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If you think of any others, pop them into the comment box below.